im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
