Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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