I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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