He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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