Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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