I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
