How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
