He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
