i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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