So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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