the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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