I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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