Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
