I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
