He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
