our cab driver is having phone sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
