I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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