My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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