Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
