if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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