You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
