New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
