I'm gonna have a badass scar
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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