does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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