lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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