I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
