I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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