just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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