A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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