Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
