My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
