No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
