david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
