I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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