Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
