Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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