glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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