honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
