Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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