Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
