I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
