ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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