guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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