Where is the hickey?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
