ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
