too bad you live with your parents still
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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