Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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