we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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