I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
