I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
