If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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