tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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