I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
