i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
