Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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