Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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