shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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