Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
