Cold hands, warm shart.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
