You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
