the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
