so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
