8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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