I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
