i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
