I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
