Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
